寫給他的信
say out loud: it's pain even with a brokenhearted
do i sound pessimistic? maybe a little. allow me to do so, i assure you i'll be alright soon. just needed sometimes to climb up from the deep cooling well and put my feet on the ground again. i'm always a strong girl. high self-esteem, confidence, happy-go-lucky. but they are the images i built up to protect myself.
i never thought i would fall in love with someone in such short period of time. different culture, different home country, different bred up style. what brought us together were the inner peace when we're together, the sensation of every words and sentences. however, it doesn't seem to go along. the guy i once thought the right one, the one i willing to open up and letting him having the key to my heart, end up stabbing me quietly.
tell me why is my heart bleeding and why do i still feel the pain when it's broken. yes, i'm beautifully broken into pieces. trying hard to collect all the tiny pieces of my broken heart, thousands of them, all around. i'm not mending it cause it will have scars and cracks on it anyway. i'm collecting them so i won't lost a piece. maybe someday, maybe some times, i'll try to fix it. rebuilt my fragile heart.
i never thought we'll end up in this way. sorry if i misunderstood, but i feel being used. how am i not suppose to think like that, when i'm completely ignore by someone, no messages, no calls, nothing right after we've got the offer letter done. what am i suppose to react? stunned. yes, i am. my heart is tearing off piece by piece every single minutes. yet, you done nothing to try to stop it. pushing me into hell after pulling me out of the dark room. our story ended. our love might be ended. what you left for me are memories and pain. however, i appreciate it. memories like bringing me to the play ground at yarra river, brought me to St. Kilda beach middle of the night, bringing me to places like richmond, williamstown beach side, footscray, high point... days i missed the most are those from 23rd of December 06 to 21st of January 07, the day i left. it seems to be a signal. the ending of foundation studies, shall be the end of our story. knowing you for nine months and being couple for six. i had enough. i feel thankful and satisfied. as the matter of fact, broken heart can still feel the pain. i chose to leave at this point, cause i know you'll never make the move. no point dragging you along when your heart is not with me.
p.s once and for all, i love you but it won't be forever, because you left me. i'll return to my life, being the rosy Sylvia. be the one, that locked her heart and throw the key far away.
